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Unread 13-08-2009, 11:45 AM
red red robbo
 
Default Some of these are mildly amusing

http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/worst-nights/

Specially like this one...

Quote:
(843): happy early fathers day!!!
(829): im not a father
(843): about that...
 
Unread 13-08-2009, 12:02 PM
ReligiousRed
 
Default

(216): Where the f*** is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
(440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
(216): Holy shit r u serious? How?
(440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

 
Unread 13-08-2009, 12:11 PM
Red Tatton
 
Default

(516): onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
(443): he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?

and
(510): I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
 
Unread 13-08-2009, 12:12 PM
BryanRobson'sLiver
 
Default

(423): he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.

(202): I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.

(703): we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'

 
Unread 13-08-2009, 12:16 PM
Whip Hubley
 
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by BryanRobson'sLiver
(423): he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.

(202): I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.

(703): we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'


 
Unread 13-08-2009, 12:17 PM
Whip Hubley
 
Default

(404): Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
(1-404): Two?
(404): Two.
 
Unread 13-08-2009, 12:19 PM
ReligiousRed
 
Default

(218): Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
(763): ew wtf
 
Unread 13-08-2009, 12:30 PM
dunk
 
Default

(615): drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.

 
Unread 13-08-2009, 12:30 PM
Red Tatton
 
Default

Quote:
(530): You screamed, "I am going to f*** this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.

Quote:
(570): If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
 
Unread 13-08-2009, 12:32 PM
BryanRobson'sLiver
 
Default

more

(770): Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?

(248): I let some guy put hot sauce in my a******* for his birthday

(415): if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?

(612): I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.

(253): is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?

(201): she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.

(302): I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.

(407): I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
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