Who is our thickest player?

I don’t expect them to be rocket scientists, but:

1. Regullion gets booked in the first half for asking the referee to book a Bournemouth player. So what does Hojland do the first time he gets fouled.?

2. Bruno. Opens his mouth and what happens next? Has anyone ever seen a referee change his mind because a player moaned?

Neither may be fair, but life isn’t. Read the room and adapt to it.

Bruno for me.

He’d be a great player if he knew when to put his foot on the ball etc
He plays like you have to try and score every time you have the ball.

I have often wondered this, and observed, analysed and thought about the same question many times. Often I lay awake at night thinking about it.

My conclusion lands on Luke Shaw. Even after the horrendous injury, he's retained a thick-set muscle mass throughout his body, but particularly the lower half. The match day socks conceal impressive calves, and then moving up to the thighs and hamstrings, one can see the powerful results of heavy curls, leg extensions and squats.

Of course, the gluteus maximus is what we all focus on more than anything else when it comes to assessing true 'thickness', and this is where Luke steps even further ahead of the competition IMHO. My man must be hitting Romanian deadlifts and hip thrusts on a regular basis, because his buttocks almost burst through those tight shorts. I don't think any other player in the squad has a gluteul region that comes close.

Of course, for the upper body region there doesn't seem to be a standout leader since Paul Pogba departed, but perhaps a debate for another thread...

Dalot

by a mile

Originally Posted by Sparky***

Dalot

by a mile

But he's awfully fast in training. Just runs in straight lines. Mega.

Martial for me. He's got the XBox idiocy thing with Sancho.

Originally Posted by Neo

I have often wondered this, and observed, analysed and thought about the same question many times. Often I lay awake at night thinking about it.

My conclusion lands on Luke Shaw. Even after the horrendous injury, he's retained a thick-set muscle mass throughout his body, but particularly the lower half. The match day socks conceal impressive calves, and then moving up to the thighs and hamstrings, one can see the powerful results of heavy curls, leg extensions and squats.

Of course, the gluteus maximus is what we all focus on more than anything else when it comes to assessing true 'thickness', and this is where Luke steps even further ahead of the competition IMHO. My man must be hitting Romanian deadlifts and hip thrusts on a regular basis, because his buttocks almost burst through those tight shorts. I don't think any other player in the squad has a gluteul region that comes close.

Of course, for the upper body region there doesn't seem to be a standout leader since Paul Pogba departed, but perhaps a debate for another thread...

There’s thick, and there’s stupid thick.

Bruno isn’t thick. He lacks control.

Dalot is dumb as soup.

Rashford not far behind. Honourable mentions for The Scottish Player and Pellistri after his Turkish cameo.

Originally Posted by Neo

I have often wondered this, and observed, analysed and thought about the same question many times. Often I lay awake at night thinking about it.

My conclusion lands on Luke Shaw. Even after the horrendous injury, he's retained a thick-set muscle mass throughout his body, but particularly the lower half. The match day socks conceal impressive calves, and then moving up to the thighs and hamstrings, one can see the powerful results of heavy curls, leg extensions and squats.

Of course, the gluteus maximus is what we all focus on more than anything else when it comes to assessing true 'thickness', and this is where Luke steps even further ahead of the competition IMHO. My man must be hitting Romanian deadlifts and hip thrusts on a regular basis, because his buttocks almost burst through those tight shorts. I don't think any other player in the squad has a gluteul region that comes close.

Of course, for the upper body region there doesn't seem to be a standout leader since Paul Pogba departed, but perhaps a debate for another thread...

It was undoubtedly Luke Shaw until this summer, but the arrival of Onana ushered in a new era, and made Luke question why he’d been wasting his time on Co-Op cake, when he could have been indulging in Cameroonian cake.

Some have written off Andre, but i find myself enjoying his slow-mo dives and watching those yams ripple like water, as he handles balls with an elegance and grace I can only liken to a prime Angela White. He’s thickset up top, but my word, those thighs are a thing of beauty. Utterly mouth watering to observe him in full flow. Have often imagined the smell in the dressing room post-match; I bet it’s intoxicating. Big, thick, sweaty cheeks. A real bubble butt. The boy is thicc, and I think he’s taken Sheezy’s crown.

Originally Posted by NedKelly

It was undoubtedly Luke Shaw until this summer, but the arrival of Onana ushered in a new era, and made Luke question why he’d been wasting his time on Co-Op cake, when he could have been indulging in Cameroonian cake.

Some have written off Andre, but i find myself enjoying his slow-mo dives and watching those yams ripple like water, as he handles balls with an elegance and grace I can only liken to a prime Angela White. He’s thickset up top, but my word, those thighs are a thing of beauty. Utterly mouth watering to observe him in full flow. Have often imagined the smell in the dressing room post-match; I bet it’s intoxicating. Big, thick, sweaty cheeks. A real bubble butt. The boy is thicc, and I think he’s taken Sheezy’s crown.

Apart from his wrists

Anyone flashing a card at the ref needs £#%&!ing tbh. Almost as bad as Shaw booting the ball away last week.

Originally Posted by Dr Stranger

Bruno isn’t thick. He lacks control.

Dalot is dumb as soup.

Rashford not far behind. Honourable mentions for The Scottish Player and Pellistri after his Turkish cameo.

Wasn’t talking about football intellingence. Struggling to see that any of them have that unfortunately (which is where most of our problems lie). More like, you’ve seen what happens when someone else does something - then why think it’s different for you?

Dalot is a numb @#%&!.

But it’s fierce competition for the title.

AWB and Rashford. Both are as thick as mince.

Thickest is Martial or Dalot

Thiccest is Luke Shaw. Could open a cake shop with Hugh Edwards

Originally Posted by Sparky***

Dalot

by a mile

This.

Originally Posted by My Name is Heath

Thiccest

Can’t beat a bit of irony.

Originally Posted by avocado

Wasn’t talking about football intellingence. Struggling to see that any of them have that unfortunately (which is where most of our problems lie). More like, you’ve seen what happens when someone else does something - then why think it’s different for you?

Ah ok. Probably should have read your post tbf.

If the group are collectively thick then it's got to make a tactics heavy manager's job impossible.

The depressing aspect to this is that there is such a broad range of candidates.

Is it Sancho who is so think he can’t accept that the manager of the team holds a higher place on the authority ladder than him? Could it be Luke Shaw, who literally wears the story of how stupid he is in the infantile scribble that passes for tattoos on one of his arms? Or, is one of our Portuguese prats with their inability to realise that thumping the ball from anywhere on the pitch towards the stand at the other end of the pitch doesn’t necessarily count as either a chance or a goalscoring opportunity?

Unfortunately, and I mean that sincerely, it’s none of that band of utter simpletons, though it could and should be any of them. No, our stand-out thicko has to be the one with the greatest footballing ability of the lot of them, who sandlot has paired that ability with the smallest brain a human can possibly operate with. Antony Martial, the prize is yours. A man who, at the age of 28, has to be told when to go to bed and when to get up by his mum; who can’t operate to the strict requirements of the club’s dietary instructions because he likes the fact that cocoa-pops turn his milk brown; who forgoes the muscle healing qualities of ice baths because he likes his to be lukewarm at the very least. An absolute vegetable who, were he to commit a crime, would not be considered mentally competent enough to stand trial. A moron who’s IQ is so low he wouldn’t be allowed to join the army, a cretin who thinks standing about on the pitch for an hour or so one or two Saturdays a season constitutes fulfilling the role of a professional centre forward.




And yet, despite all this, on the back of a great midweek victory, with momentum key to the next few difficult and challenging weeks of this year’s campaign, our manager decided to pick him for today’s game.

Originally Posted by NedKelly

It was undoubtedly Luke Shaw until this summer, but the arrival of Onana ushered in a new era, and made Luke question why he’d been wasting his time on Co-Op cake, when he could have been indulging in Cameroonian cake.

Some have written off Andre, but i find myself enjoying his slow-mo dives and watching those yams ripple like water, as he handles balls with an elegance and grace I can only liken to a prime Angela White. He’s thickset up top, but my word, those thighs are a thing of beauty. Utterly mouth watering to observe him in full flow. Have often imagined the smell in the dressing room post-match; I bet it’s intoxicating. Big, thick, sweaty cheeks. A real bubble butt. The boy is thicc, and I think he’s taken Sheezy’s crown.

Good shout. I suppose given he's a goalkeeper one rarely gets the chance to see him run at full pelt, stretching those tree-trunk thighs and tensing those phat glutes, whereas Shaw regularly has the onion booty on show as he jiggles up and down that left flank.

I will be sure to pay closer attention during our next game. #OnanaWatch

Originally Posted by Mr_Ed

AWB and Rashford. Both are as thick as mince.

Wow. Had no idea Ed was a connoisseur of the dark chocolate cake. Fair play.