Big Sam's twitter page

http://twitter.com/TheBig_Sam

Just had a £#%&! with an oven glove on. The sensation was electric, but I've got bits of Findus Crispy Pancake all over my #@&%! now.

.

The missus loves my big, thick sausage fingers. Loves it when I use 'em in bed. "Come on, Big Sam," she pleads. "Give us the digitry."

Cracking day at Aintree with Fergie. You should have seen his wee face in the sidecar as we were heading home. Pure joy.

Don't care what the wife says - no bird can crap that big

http://twitter.com/Nemanja_VidicNV

SAF not in good mood today, I hide in cupboard for several hours, I hear sound of head being hit on locker and Carrick's high pitch sobbing

[quote=Billy Bigbollox;1967047]http://twitter.com/Nemanja_VidicNV

[quote]SAF not in good mood today, I hide in cupboard for several hours, I hear sound of head being hit on locker and Carrick's high pitch sobbing

I ask Johnny Evans why Wes Brown smells of carpet, he laugh so much he need toilet - there is rumour he work at Carpetright on days off!

[quote=Albert Tatlock;1967067][quote=Billy Bigbollox;1967047]http://twitter.com/Nemanja_VidicNV

SAF not in good mood today, I hide in cupboard for several hours, I hear sound of head being hit on locker and Carrick's high pitch sobbing

Good Friday? Eight bowls of Ricicles, a pint of Strawberry Crusha and a relaxing £#%&! in front of 'Loose Women'. Cracking Friday, more like.

Everytime I go try to go on Twitter, my firefox crashes.

Originally Posted by Switching Off

Everytime I go try to go on Twitter, my firefox crashes.

doesn't even sound like sam, that one

Originally Posted by borsuk

doesn't even sound like sam, that one

its a blessing in disguise I think

@tony_pulthis Aye lad, that was a right good do. Singing 'Don't You Forget About Me' at the Alzheimer's convention next door was great fun

There's a strange aura coming from an old tree at the bottom of our garden. It's hard to describe

When I'm near it I feel light-headed yet masterful, powerful and calm. I'm starting to wonder if it's the source of my managerial powers.

I have given this tree - this powerful gift from mother nature - a name: The Tree of Enchantment and Infinite Dreams.

Scrap all that - just realised there's a massive can of turps behind the £#%&!ing tree, with no lid on it. Should really get rid of it.

"Big Brother is back. Haven't seen so many @#%&!s on TV since Gary Neville lent me '@#%&!fest 14' on DVD."

Received a fax from Real Madrid this morning. Just said: "El bastardo gordo". Wonder if it's a job offer. I'll get it translated and reply.

"I'd like to experience a fanny fart. I reckon it would feel absolutely sensational."