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Unread 15-11-2010, 09:10 AM
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Default Football transfer rumours: Jordan Henderson to Manchester United | Barry Glendenning


Today's tell-all wonders why so many football fans are so humourless these days

Lord Attenborough, Lord Coe, Tim Lovejoy, Raquel Welsh, Damon Albarn, Sir Steven Redgrave, Alec Stewart, Lawrence Dallaglio, David Baddiel, Gary Numan, Andy Roddick, Joe Calzaghe, Gordon Ramsey, these chaps here, Ted Rodgers and Dusty Bin, Dave Gahan, the ever so slightly shifty looking bloke in the white baseball cap, Sean Locke, Johnny Vaughan, John Major, Phil Daniels, Vidal Sassoon, Russell Grant, Michael Caine, Suggs, Tracey Thorn from Everything But The Girl ... can you hear today's Rumours, Tracey Thorne from Everything But The Girl? Your boys took one hell of a beating. Your boys took one hell of a beating.



With fans of Chelsea and Sunderland football clubs still rubbing their eyes, pinching themselves and wondering if yesterday's clinical evisceration of the former by the latter actually happened and wasn't merely a series of hallucinatory perceptions in a conscious or unconscious state experienced in the absence of external stimuli with qualities of real perception, Steve Bruce has revealed that his old mucker Alex Ferguson has asked to be kept informed about the progress of Jordan Henderson.



"Only once has Fergie talked about one of my players - that was Antonio Valencia [at Wigan Athletic] - and bugger me, he bought him!" said Bruce. "He had spoken to me about him before. 'Keep me informed' were his words, then he signed him. He has now said the same about Jordan, but to be fair they have all asked to be kept informed."



With his magnificent engine and "huge ability to get up and down the pitch", Henderson sounds more like a ride-on lawnmower than a promising young Sunderland midfielder, but yesterday's England call-up and stellar performance against the Premier League champions is likely to have added several million quid to his value. Manchester City, Chelsea and Liverpool are also believed to be interested in securing his scrawl.



According to Spanish Daily Sport, galloping Barcelona full-back Dani Alves is believed to favour a move to Chelsea over Manchester City should his ongoing contract negotiations with the suits at the Nou Camp break down like a jalopy on the hard shoulder of the M6. The Brazilian's agent, Joaquin Macanas, is currently in talks with former Spain-goalkeeper-turned-Barca-technical-director Andoni Zubizerreta, whose surname, like the name of the club he works for, has a marvellous lispy bit in the middle if you pronounce it properly. Sport suggest that Alves would rather play for Chelsea than City, regardless of money, possibly because he's seen how Roberto Mancini's team plays and would prefer to ply his trade at a club where he's allowed venture into the opposition half from time to time and occasionally pass the ball forward.



With one-time Chelsea ever-present Frank Lampard not getting any younger and beginning to show signs of wear and tear, the Stamford Bridge outfit need to start thinking about finding a long-term replacement and according to caughtoffside.com, Palermo's attacking midfielder
could be just the man for the job. Quite how shelling out £28m for the Argentinian fits in with Chelsea's plan to become more self-sufficient by nurturing homegrown talent remains to be seen, but his hat-trick in the pink of Palermo against Catania yesterday is likely to further endear him to Carlo Ancelotti.



According to the Daily Mail, Roy Hodgson spent the day after his side's fairly abject surrender to Stoke City scouting for talent in a commune in the Bourgogne region in north-central France. The Liverpool manager crossed the channel to run the rule over £12m-rated, 20 year old Rennes defensive midfielder Yann M'Vila, who finished on the losing side in his side's Ligue 1 encounter with Auxerre yesterday, but will probably be hoping for a better result when he lines up for France against England at Wembley this week.



According to today's Mirror, Middlesbrough are prepared to cash in on centre-half David Wheater and midfielder Gary O'Neil in the January transfer window, with Stoke boss Tony Pulis believed to be interested in the former and Blackburn's Sam Allardyce twirling his ringlets and giggling coquettishly at the latter. The Mirror also reports that out-of-favour West Brom fringe player Roman Bednar is fed up with life on the fringes at the Hawthorns and may consider dropping a division to get more game-time with Nigel Pearson's tigers at Hull City.



Grrr!

















Barry Glendenning

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