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Unread 30-03-2011, 10:00 AM
fred tissue
Default Football transfer rumours: Jan Vertonghen to Manchester United | Simon Burnton

Today's piffle is afraidi, very afraidi

With England's game with Ghana unusually action-packed and entertaining, the visitors' fans bringing unrivalled colour and atmosphere to Wembley, and each team scoring a pretty decent goal but neither of them actually winning, the tabloids were left with a tough decision over precisely which of all the possible, interesting aspects of the game they should focus on. They all chose Andy Carroll's predilection for lager. "Sober the moon!" screams the Sun. "Beer we go!" yells the Mirror. "Andy's lager topper!" whoops the Star.

On with the transfer gossip, then, and Manchester United will definitely be going shopping in the summer. "We have certain targets in mind and I think two or three will be fulfilled," said Sir Alex Ferguson. "The Glazer family have always been supportive of our desires to improve the team." Belgian defender Jan Vertonghen is the latest name on his shopping list. If the Ajax ace is indeed England-bound he could organise an eco-friendly car-share with his team-mate Gregory van der Wiel, who is a target for Chelsea. The London side have also received encouragement in their pursuit of Brazilian wonderkid Neymar from the most auspicious source – Brazil wonderkid Neymar. "Chelsea's a great club," he said. "It's a dream of every player to play at Chelsea. If one day it happens, I will be very happy."

Should he join, Neymar can hardly fail to be more popular than his compatriot Luiz Felipe Scolari, who has lifted the lid on his Chelsea hell, admitting "it was difficult to control the dressing room", that "Drogba believed he was the star in the squad" and that Michael Ballack and Deco "didn't speak". "I wanted Abramovich to change Drogba for Adriano at Inter because he was easier to control than Drogba," he said, adding: "In the dressing room there were many big stars and good players but their behaviour was very different."

Manchester City's Aleksandar Kolarov is a £12m Milan target, and might be joined in Italy by his current manager after Juventus placed Roberto Mancini at the top of a three-man managerial shortlist that also includes Napoli's Walter Mazzarri and Zenit St Petersburg's Luciano Spalletti. In other managerial news, former West Ham left-back Julian d***s has applied for the vacant post at Newport.

A lot of stories in a single paragraph with scant attention paid to finding a link between them dept: Wolves want to fill their Kevin Doyle-shaped void with free agent Jérémie Aliadière. Bolton are eyeing Monaco's £6m Korean forward Park Chu-Young, and are also vying with Liverpool for Kilmarnock's 24-year-old keeper Cameron Bell. Joe Cole and David Bentley both like Liam Gallagher's Pretty Green clothing brand. Robert Pires will end his career in Australia, Qatar or the USA once his contract at Aston Villa expires. Fellow Villa-fleeing soon-to-be free-transfer Nigel Reo-Coker could be Newcastle-bound. Sir Bobby Robson has had a train named after him. Millwall and Derby want Brighton striker Glenn Murray, whose contract is up in the summer. Leicester are readying a £2m bid for Reading's Jimmy Kébé. A house in Port Tenant, Swansea, looks a bit like Hitler.

And police in Columbia are investigating after fans managed to smuggle a 17-year-old supporter into a top-flight match despite the fact that he had died three days earlier and was in a coffin. "He would have wanted it like this," said the deceased's mother. Police described it as "an unfortunate incident".

Simon Burnton

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