If you got picked for united...

if we're talking about me, as I am now, then you'd want to have your cameras ready because it would nothing short of legendary.

After running around like a headless chicken for 15 mins, I'd be leaning up against the corner flag, struggling for breath and probably vomiting.

After I got my composure back I'd launch into a studs-up, flying tackle from behind on Steven Gerrard and take my standing ovation as I jogged back to to the changing rooms, past the Liverpool supporters, taking off my shirt to reveal a t-shirt with 'MURDERERS 39' on the back and bitch slapping El Fatty as I ran past the dugout.

Originally Posted by Sparky***

if we're talking about me, as I am now, then you'd want to have your cameras ready because it would nothing short of legendary.

After running around like a headless chicken for 15 mins, I'd be leaning up against the corner flag, struggling for breath and probably vomiting.

After I got my composure back I'd launch into a studs-up, flying tackle from behind on Steven Gerrard and take my standing ovation as I jogged back to to the changing rooms, past the Liverpool supporters, taking off my shirt to reveal a t-shirt with 'MURDERERS 39' on the back and bitch slapping El Fatty as I ran past the dugout.

I'd pay good money to see that; Sparky, youre signed

I'd sort the squad photos/stickers out.

Originally Posted by hollowman

i reckon id net.

i could easily last a half uptop.

As humble as ever.

You make Pretty Boy Floyd look like someone with self esteem problems.

I'd prefer my game to be at anfield. Winning goal in front of the Kop.

I'd then do what Veron did vs Arsenal, take the corner flag out and take my shirt off, stick my shirt on the corner flag and raise it into the air. Giving the foaming @#%&!s in the kop aneurysms. Then i'd trot off whilst bearing my arse to them all, ala Joey Barton.

I'd be a steady player, playing nice passes to the better players making intelligent runs and maybe even grabbing an assist in the process. This would be all in 20 minutes as I would be shattered after that.

If I got picked for United?

you mean the current english, european, and world champions?

I'm fairly certain I wouldn't cut it and be a complete embarrasment


In fact, I'm pretty sure that would sum up everyone on this board


Forget the standard of play (which would be far beyond comprehension), you'd be shitting yourself so hard that you could barely put one foot in front of the other

Originally Posted by croberts

If I got picked for United?

you mean the current english, european, and world champions?

I'm fairly certain I wouldn't cut it and be a complete embarrasment


In fact, I'm pretty sure that would sum up everyone on this board


Forget the standard of play (which would be far beyond comprehension), you'd be shitting yourself so hard that you could barely put one foot in front of the other

Some of us are born for the occasion mate

Originally Posted by magic_cantona

I'd sort the squad photos/stickers out.

i could see Rooney wearing a photo of you over his #@&%!

I've mentioned it before but in my youth I was probably the keenest and hardest trainer at my club and if it wasn't for my lack of talent and ability I could've played at the very top.

Originally Posted by Dueling Banjos

I've mentioned it before but in my youth I was probably the keenest and hardest trainer at my club and if it wasn't for my lack of talent and ability I could've played at the very top.

Never stopped Roy Keane you workshy @#%&!

Originally Posted by thrills_pills_bellyaches

Some of us are born for the occasion mate

born for what occasion?

posting on FT rather than playing premiership football?

Originally Posted by croberts

born for what occasion?

posting on FT rather than playing premiership football?

Bigtime I am all piss and wind

Originally Posted by thrills_pills_bellyaches

Bigtime I am all piss and wind

And Burgers.

Originally Posted by Bunker Buster

And Burgers.

Boogers mate, boogers.

i've a proven track record in the camden musicians league for man marking the ref

and giving a helpful opinion on every decision

Originally Posted by Dueling Banjos

I've mentioned it before but in my youth I was probably the keenest and hardest trainer at my club and if it wasn't for my lack of talent and ability I could've played at the very top.

We are exact opposites, I have talent but am a lazy bastard, between us we'd have made a player

Originally Posted by croberts

If I got picked for United?

you mean the current english, european, and world champions?

I'm fairly certain I wouldn't cut it and be a complete embarrasment


In fact, I'm pretty sure that would sum up everyone on this board


Forget the standard of play (which would be far beyond comprehension), you'd be shitting yourself so hard that you could barely put one foot in front of the other

Very true

Although, it would depend on whether or not you had stepped into the team from the terrace or whether you had a few weeks training with the first team.

I reckon with the ball, I'd be alright touch and passing wise, I'd be £#%&!ed from a movement pov without a good few weeks training though.

I'd be in the Berbatov role btw.

Originally Posted by Wez

Right back for 30 mins

Would just love to have the chance to have browned someone in front of the Stretford End.

Take the plaudits and hobble off the pitch £#%&!ed after my 30 mins

Throw my shirt into WL106 on my way down the tunnel



Edit: 2/10 for performance

30 minutes? Don't you mean 30 yards?

I would probably last 35 yards

Originally Posted by 42ndstreet irregular

30 minutes? Don't you mean 30 yards?

I would probably last 35 yards

When I was at the peak of fitness.....








Youre still probably right

I reckon i would do a decent job. Played for West Ham reserves and also played a handful of first team games for Forest. Would do better than most imo.