I f***ing hate cats.

Got home at 6am on New Years Day and found a cat on the doorstep. It was soaked and looked a proper sorry sight so I let it in the house for a bit of a warm. I gave it some tuna, kicked it back out and then passed out a doze and forgot all about it.

2AM this morning and the little bastard is on my doorstep meowing its head off, so i shooed it away. Ten past two its back, meowing it head off again, so I decide to try to ignore it.

At 4AM I introduced to to my greyhound, the cat didnt give a shit and the dog started going mad because it thought it was going for a walk.

6AM the missus got up and went to work early as she couldnt sleep and she has fell out with me.

As I left for work at 9:00am it was still there meowing, 7 hours pretty much non-stop meowing and 7 hours of constant interrupted sleep.

If the bastard is back tonight then i'm going to have to kill it.

I dont know why i'm posting this as probably none of you people are the cat.

shove it through next doors letter box

They're load bastards aren't they? I have one, cutest like thing, I call her schnuckims. Dribbles if you rub it too much, might be mentally challenged.
Throw water on it, that should do the trick. And learn from your lesson.

Originally Posted by Qwertyuiop

Got home at 6am on New Years Day and found a cat on the doorstep. It was soaked and looked a proper sorry sight so I let it in the house for a bit of a warm. I gave it some tuna, kicked it back out and then passed out a doze and forgot all about it.

2AM this morning and the little bastard is on my doorstep meowing its head off, so i shooed it away. Ten past two its back, meowing it head off again, so I decide to try to ignore it.

At 4AM I introduced to to my greyhound, the cat didnt give a shit and the dog started going mad because it thought it was going for a walk.

6AM the missus got up and went to work early as she couldnt sleep and she has fell out with me.

As I left for work at 9:00am it was still there meowing, 7 hours pretty much non-stop meowing and 7 hours of constant interrupted sleep.

If the bastard is back tonight then i'm going to have to kill it.

I dont know why i'm posting this as probably none of you people are the cat.

BIG mistake, show a cat some attention and that's it - it'll be there for the rest of eternity... mecernary little f***ers they are.

Originally Posted by Fuzzy Dunlop

They're load bastards aren't they? I have one, cutest like thing, I call her schnuckims. Dribbles if you rub it too much, might be mentally challenged.
Throw water on it, that should do the trick. And learn from your lesson.

i have that problem, but i don't have a cat.

Originally Posted by elhombre

BIG mistake, show a cat some attention and that's it - it'll be there for the rest of eternity... mecernary little f***ers they are.

Its got a flea collar but no other 'ID'. I reckon its been booted out at Xmas. Hopefully it will get attacked by eagles during the day and I wont see it again.

Originally Posted by Qwertyuiop

Its got a flea collar but no other 'ID'. I reckon its been booted out at Xmas. Hopefully it will get attacked by eagles during the day and I wont see it again.

I don't mind cats, as they have many of the traits i do...

but if you really hate it, chop up some sponge, into small pieces, bury them in some Kit-e-Cat or whatever it's called and serve up to the moggy...

It's your own fault for letting it in in the first place.

you found it cold, wet, hungry and lonely and you gave it some food and a warm place to lie down... and now you're surprised it's craving attention?

f***ing hell, just be glad it's not expecting a f***ing engagement party.



and don't be so f***ing mean. you've adopted it. take some f***ing responsibility. if you don't want it making a noise all night, some more tuna, a little warm milk and a basket should do the trick. and stroking. they like that.

Originally Posted by jem

you found it cold, wet, hungry and lonely and you gave it some food and warm place to lie down... and now you're surprised it's craving attention?

f***ing hell, just be glad it's not expecting a f***ing engagement party.



and don't be so f***ing mean. you've adopted it. take some f***ing responsibility. if you don't want it making a noise all night, some more tuna, a little warm milk and a basket should do the trick. and stroking. they like that.

GAYER.

Originally Posted by Filliam H. Muffman

It's your own fault for letting it in in the first place.

Yes I know, I was told that by the missus several times.

Originally Posted by jem

you found it cold, wet, hungry and lonely and you gave it some food and a warm place to lie down... and now you're surprised it's craving attention?

f***ing hell, just be glad it's not expecting a f***ing engagement party.



and don't be so f***ing mean. you've adopted it. take some f***ing responsibility. if you don't want it making a noise all night, some more tuna, a little warm milk and a basket should do the trick. and stroking. they like that.

I gave a tramp a quid a month or two ago, should I expect him on my doorstep arguing with himself soon?

Actually I've just remembered, my mate has those sonic things which cats are supposed to hate, I'll borrow them.

Originally Posted by Qwertyuiop

I gave a tramp a quid a month or two ago, should I expect him on my doorstep arguing with himself soon?

Actually I've just remembered, my mate has those sonic things which cats are supposed to hate, I'll borrow them.

A hedgehog? f***ing hell, we had one of them in our back garden, i used to leave a saucer of milk out for him everynight, be careful the cat doesn't get it!

I love kicking cats - they offer a much higher reward to effort ratio than dogs who are bigger targets and more stupid.

Get some steel toe caps on and take a run up.

Mars bar if you can make it land more than 10 mts away

Adopt the poor f***er or else give to someone else who will look after it.Cats are f***ing brilliant

kick it as hard as you f***ing can

Does the cat in any way resemble Hitler?

Originally Posted by shadowplay

Adopt the poor f***er or else give to someone else who will look after it.Cats are f***ing brilliant

We cant adopt it as we have a dog and no-one I know is stupid enough to take on a cat.

This cat has a bit of black hair under its nose so it looks like Hitler's cat and no-one in thier right mind would let a genocidal right wing facist dictator move into their house and eat all of their f***ing tuna.

magnolia paint in, and have it redecorate your hallway.



And submit its picture to the Cats That Look Like Hitler site, while you're at it. Before it gets covered in magnolia paint, obviously.

If it's a Hitler cat you're f***ed. He won't go away and will probably annex your living room or 'Leibenstraum' and have your dog gassed by the
time you get home.