Birmingham to end Ben Foster's Manchester United misery by sealing £6m swoop for keeper

Originally Posted by The Stella Fella

Yes but we didn't have Raphael and Fabio as well did we?

It's not personal Stella Fella but people spelling his name wrong really grinds my gears. How many times have people seen it written down at this stage?. Raphael = painter and/or ninja turtle. Rafael= top class samba full back twin.

Originally Posted by S/Side.Red

Knee injury. Was out for a few months in the middle of the season, although part of that was covered by the winter break. Apparently he's been getting some pain in the knee again recently.

£#%&! that then.

No more midfielders from German clubs with pain in their knees, thank you.

Originally Posted by dunk

£#%&! that then.

No more midfielders from German clubs with pain in their knees, thank you.

He'll have to be sold, probably on the cheap, by Hertha following their relegation. I suspect if he goes to the World Cup and looks decent, there will be plenty of clubs willing to take a punt on him. He has been playing recently, but clearly isn't over his fitness problems. Might still be worth a look for £5m or so.

Originally Posted by S/Side.Red

He'll have to be sold, probably on the cheap, by Hertha following their relegation. I suspect if he goes to the World Cup and looks decent, there will be plenty of clubs willing to take a punt on him. He has been playing recently, but clearly isn't over his fitness problems. Might still be worth a look for £5m or so.

Can you imagine if we bought him, he played in the WC, then his knee broke down during pre-season. There are people on here and in the media that would have a £#%&!ing field day

I'd definitely sign him up for £5m.

Are Serbia at the WC then?

Originally Posted by dunk

Can you imagine if we bought him, he played in the WC, then his knee broke down during pre-season. There are people on here and in the media that would have a £#%&!ing field day

I'd definitely sign him up for £5m.

Are Serbia at the WC then?

Yep. Fancy them to get out of their group with Germany, Ghana and Australia.

Originally Posted by safingtons

It's sad how many current United players you could say that about, explains some of the weak surrenders in games this season, so many defeats where we've not even scored a goal. I still can't believe we lost to Leeds.

This is true, too many players in the squad that don't really want to grab the game by the balls and show they're the main man the way Rooney, Vidic, Evra, Fletcher do.

Originally Posted by S/Side.Red

Yep. Fancy them to get out of their group with Germany, Ghana and Australia.

Really? I haven't seen a Walkers crisp flavour dedicated to them, or Ghana for that matter.

Not fair that.

Originally Posted by dunk

Really? I haven't seen a Walkers crisp flavour dedicated to them, or Ghana for that matter.

Not fair that.

yeah, gutted there isnt going to be a goulash flavour walkers

Originally Posted by Ginners

yeah, gutted there isnt going to be a goulash flavour walkers

Sounds like a winner to me.

Originally Posted by S/Side.Red

Yep. Fancy them to get out of their group with Germany, Ghana and Australia.

Hope they get through and get rid of England.

Originally Posted by dunk

Sounds like a winner to me.

most of them look shit, haggis flavour ffs

want to try the american cheeseburger ones, hope they taste like them 10p quarterback crisps you used to get

Originally Posted by Ginners

most of them look shit, haggis flavour ffs

want to try the american cheeseburger ones, hope they taste like them 10p quarterback crisps you used to get

There quality, only ones i aint a fan of are the cheeseburger ones.

Originally Posted by Ginners

most of them look shit, haggis flavour ffs

want to try the american cheeseburger ones, hope they taste like them 10p quarterback crisps you used to get

They don't

Brazilian Salsa and South African Chutney are the best I've had so far, Garlic Baguette aren't bad either.

Roast Beef, BBQ Kangaroo and Argentinian steak are all the same flavour, I think.

Originally Posted by That Boy Ronaldo!

There quality, only ones i aint a fan of are the cheeseburger ones.

Originally Posted by dunk

They don't

ffs

Japanese chicken teriyaki

The first ones I tried, and not a good start. There's no identifiable teriyaki element – just a whiff of chicken stock. They should've tried tackling a sushi-themed salmon-and-wasabi flavour. Instead they've created something that tastes about as authentically Japanese as Lenny Henry. Cowards.

Scottish haggis

After a bad start, another step down. These tasted of nothing, yet somehow managed to make that "nothing" deeply unpleasant. It's like a small piece of fried potato failing to recall a repressed abuse memory while sitting on your tongue.

Argentinian flame-grilled steak

At last a vague stab at accuracy: there's a faint whiff of steak, although identifying the "flame-grilled" aspect would require a leap of the imagination so vast you might as well use it to imagine something more exciting, like sex with a movie star or a holiday on Venus. Still: the Argentinians take the lead.

English roast beef and yorkshire pudding

Did Rio Ferdinand create this himself? The beef hits you first: not dreadful, but quickly overpowered by the oleaginous "yorkshire pudding" element. The result is a mixture of cold Sunday roast and stale grease: like inhaling from a pub dustbin on Monday morning. Also, it's surely not wise to use the word "roast" in any product that notionally represents the England World Cup squad. It's not looking good for our boys.

German bratwurst sausage

Ah. These actually taste like sausages. Not suitable for vegetarians either. Glancing at the ingredients reveals no pork, although they do contain the downright sinister "poultry extract". What exactly is "poultry extract"? And how is it "extracted"? Walkers must tell us. Preferably in the form of a televised re-enactment starring Gary Lineker.

Dutch edam/Welsh rarebit

Yeah, whatever: these are both just "cheese flavour". The former is mild, but still tastes more like "real" cheese than edam itself does. The rarebit offering tastes like a flattened Wotsit with a splash of Worcestershire sauce. Perhaps that's a traditional Welsh dish too.

South African sweet chutney

South African what? They've made this one up, surely. It's actually OK-ish: a bit like spicy ketchup flavour.

Italian spaghetti bolognese/ Brazilian salsa

Tomato time. These both taste like scratch'n'sniff pizza aroma: a lame committee meeting of watered-down herbs. The "Brazilian salsa" has a slightly more sugary feel, but otherwise I couldn't tell the difference. My face was openly sobbing by this point, mind.

Spanish chicken paella

It would've been fun to annoyed the Spanish by releasing "maltreated donkey" or "slaughtered bull" flavours instead, but no: chicken paella it is. Amazingly, these actually taste like rice. And slightly like chicken. But they don't taste like chicken paella: more like chicken fried rice. Maybe Walkers were expecting China to qualify.

Irish stew

No.

French garlic baguette

Garlic Bread diluted by a factor of approximately 10,000. So weak and ineffectual, it's almost homeopathic. They missed a trick: a novelty "snail" or "frog's legs" flavour would at least have grim curiosity value, much like . . .

Australian BBQ kangaroo

See? You want to know what these taste like, don't you? A: watery barbecue sauce with a dim hint of meat. There's no actual kangaroo in them, so the "kangaroo" is delivered entirely by your subconscious. They could call it "boiled pilot's leg" and the effect would be similar.

American cheeseburger

By far the most interesting entry, if only for the sake of accuracy: these precisely capture that instantly recognizable McDonald's aroma. Not Burger King. Not Wendy's. McDonald's. If they were an official McDonald's product, you'd begrudgingly admire their authenticity. Instead, you're left wondering whether Walkers will get sued.

So that's the lot. If these crisps are in any way representative of their associated national squads, the World Cup itself will be an underwhelming kickaround which the US will eventually win on points. Presumably the company's crisp technicians are already working on a series of stunt flavours to honour the 2012 Olympics. Here's hoping they steer clear of yet more bastardised takes on national dishes and go for topicality instead. How about American tea party flavour? Iranian uranium? Chinese dissident? Give it your best shot, Walkers, and with any luck you'll start a war.

That was Charlie Brooker, wasn't it??

What I don't get is the inclusion of Scottish and Irish flavours.

It's not like they are at the World Cup ffs.

Or even decent flavours come to think of it.

Originally Posted by red in cumbria

That was Charlie Brooker, wasn't it??

Maybe I'm Charlie Brooker.

Originally Posted by That Boy Ronaldo!

Hope they get through and get rid of England.

top red +10000000000000000000000

Originally Posted by Crumps

Japanese chicken teriyaki

The first ones I tried, and not a good start. There's no identifiable teriyaki element – just a whiff of chicken stock. They should've tried tackling a sushi-themed salmon-and-wasabi flavour. Instead they've created something that tastes about as authentically Japanese as Lenny Henry. Cowards.

Scottish haggis

After a bad start, another step down. These tasted of nothing, yet somehow managed to make that "nothing" deeply unpleasant. It's like a small piece of fried potato failing to recall a repressed abuse memory while sitting on your tongue.

Argentinian flame-grilled steak

At last a vague stab at accuracy: there's a faint whiff of steak, although identifying the "flame-grilled" aspect would require a leap of the imagination so vast you might as well use it to imagine something more exciting, like sex with a movie star or a holiday on Venus. Still: the Argentinians take the lead.

English roast beef and yorkshire pudding

Did Rio Ferdinand create this himself? The beef hits you first: not dreadful, but quickly overpowered by the oleaginous "yorkshire pudding" element. The result is a mixture of cold Sunday roast and stale grease: like inhaling from a pub dustbin on Monday morning. Also, it's surely not wise to use the word "roast" in any product that notionally represents the England World Cup squad. It's not looking good for our boys.

German bratwurst sausage

Ah. These actually taste like sausages. Not suitable for vegetarians either. Glancing at the ingredients reveals no pork, although they do contain the downright sinister "poultry extract". What exactly is "poultry extract"? And how is it "extracted"? Walkers must tell us. Preferably in the form of a televised re-enactment starring Gary Lineker.

Dutch edam/Welsh rarebit

Yeah, whatever: these are both just "cheese flavour". The former is mild, but still tastes more like "real" cheese than edam itself does. The rarebit offering tastes like a flattened Wotsit with a splash of Worcestershire sauce. Perhaps that's a traditional Welsh dish too.

South African sweet chutney

South African what? They've made this one up, surely. It's actually OK-ish: a bit like spicy ketchup flavour.

Italian spaghetti bolognese/ Brazilian salsa

Tomato time. These both taste like scratch'n'sniff pizza aroma: a lame committee meeting of watered-down herbs. The "Brazilian salsa" has a slightly more sugary feel, but otherwise I couldn't tell the difference. My face was openly sobbing by this point, mind.

Spanish chicken paella

It would've been fun to annoyed the Spanish by releasing "maltreated donkey" or "slaughtered bull" flavours instead, but no: chicken paella it is. Amazingly, these actually taste like rice. And slightly like chicken. But they don't taste like chicken paella: more like chicken fried rice. Maybe Walkers were expecting China to qualify.

Irish stew

No.

French garlic baguette

Garlic Bread diluted by a factor of approximately 10,000. So weak and ineffectual, it's almost homeopathic. They missed a trick: a novelty "snail" or "frog's legs" flavour would at least have grim curiosity value, much like . . .

Australian BBQ kangaroo

See? You want to know what these taste like, don't you? A: watery barbecue sauce with a dim hint of meat. There's no actual kangaroo in them, so the "kangaroo" is delivered entirely by your subconscious. They could call it "boiled pilot's leg" and the effect would be similar.

American cheeseburger

By far the most interesting entry, if only for the sake of accuracy: these precisely capture that instantly recognizable McDonald's aroma. Not Burger King. Not Wendy's. McDonald's. If they were an official McDonald's product, you'd begrudgingly admire their authenticity. Instead, you're left wondering whether Walkers will get sued.

So that's the lot. If these crisps are in any way representative of their associated national squads, the World Cup itself will be an underwhelming kickaround which the US will eventually win on points. Presumably the company's crisp technicians are already working on a series of stunt flavours to honour the 2012 Olympics. Here's hoping they steer clear of yet more bastardised takes on national dishes and go for topicality instead. How about American tea party flavour? Iranian uranium? Chinese dissident? Give it your best shot, Walkers, and with any luck you'll start a war.

Good review that, will give them all a miss i think.