The Junior Football Thread

Originally Posted by carlosartorial

Lost 4-1 and drew 1-1.

Useless @#%&!s.

[SIZE="5"]Carlo out

Originally Posted by Bunker Buster

[SIZE="5"]Carlo out

He's above par though.

I miss the uttlery freezing pissing down Sat/Sun mornings, half the team don't turn up, ickul Johhny can't make it because he's lost an eyelash, 6' 12" 15 year olds threatening to rip my head off, ickul Mull putting him on his arse, I really do miss them.

Originally Posted by ScholesScoresGoals2

A hard fought 3-0 win this weekend, played a very good team who caused us problems but we ran out comfortable winners in the end.

5 wins from 5 with 3 big local derbies coming up.

Do what? You in a national league or something pal?

Originally Posted by Brenner

If anyone runs or knows of any Under 10's teams who need players, PM me, as I am about a weekend away from sparking my son's "manager"

You been arrested yet?

On topic

This season - I help coach my lads team - u10's - played 4 won 3 (2-6, 6-0 and beat Middy Lads 3-5) Fun and games at the end from their dads - Lost 2 weeks ago to league leaders (first half we had 16 shots - they had 1 - their keeper has just been released from the Bolton Academy/Centre of Excellence - 1-1 at half time - we piled on second half and got caught with a counter - still excellent game played in the correct spirit for kids and other team were a top set up as well - their parents clapping our lads off (still pissed off we got beat).

Won in cup on Saturday 5-0

My Lad goes egg chasing on Sunday mornings as well - played 2 matches - first against Liverpool St Helens - the first accent he heard as he got out of the car - he says - "didn't know we were this close to scouseland - gonna beat them now"

beat them 7 tries to 0 - lad scored 3 tries (cost me £5 for the hat-trick)

Second game played Tarleton? - we were 2 tries to nil down at half-time - 30 minute break between the games was too much for some of them to retain interest - little Tarquin on other team jumping up and down at half-time as if they had won - our lads got a bit pissed off with him and we ended up smashing them second half and won 5 tries to 2.

Kids playing sport is great when played in the right spirit and you win - very little diving because someone scrapped his sock outside the box - like the big fat scousejock adams

Originally Posted by Brenner

If anyone runs or knows of any Under 10's teams who need players, PM me, as I am about a weekend away from sparking my son's "manager"

Who is A playing for at the mo Nudger?

Originally Posted by Charlestown Rouge

Do what? You in a national league or something pal?

What I should have said is "less than 10 minutes to the ground in my car"

my youngest was due to play in salford on sunday

the game was called off on saturday as "the pitch has been vandalised"

P6 W2 D1 L3 ( F ) A few ( A ) Quite a few more

2 Coaches, one is spot on, one is a £#%&!in #@&%!, just come out the Army last year and is kind of forgetting the lads are 8 & 9 ffs not training to go to Afghanistan, he doesn't scream as such, he just puts them down like they do in the Army to make you say £#%&! you and get up and go harder....except they're 8 & 9 and just look upset about it, my lad hasn't got much shit because i think the coach has already give up on the little civy street shit bag The goalkeeper though If i was his dad I would honestly have kicked off by now, poor lad gets buckets off the #@&%! every week

Sure i heard him on the water bottle trying to call in air support when they conceeded a corner on sunday too

Originally Posted by ReligiousRed

P6 W2 D1 L3 ( F ) A few ( A ) Quite a few more

2 Coaches, one is spot on, one is a £#%&!in #@&%!, just come out the Army last year and is kind of forgetting the lads are 8 & 9 ffs not training to go to Afghanistan, he doesn't scream as such, he just puts them down like they do in the Army to make you say £#%&! you and get up and go harder....except they're 8 & 9 and just look upset about it, my lad hasn't got much shit because i think the coach has already give up on the little civy street shit bag The goalkeeper though If i was his dad I would honestly have kicked off by now, poor lad gets buckets off the #@&%! every week

Sure i heard him on the water bottle trying to call in air support when they conceeded a corner on sunday too

we want more of this - not just £#%&!ing scores and league tables FFS

Looks like i'm back on the flag on Sunday, might wear an earpiece for that professional look

Shameful behaviour this morning one of the opposition parents spent large chunk of the game swearing at the young ref who was onbviously not very confident.

As i was lino, only me and him on opposite side, i asked him not to swear. At one point he went onto the pitch swore at some of our players and the ref.

U15s football very sad.

But hey Respect.

Originally Posted by redhegemony

Shameful behaviour this morning one of the opposition parents spent large chunk of the game swearing at the young ref who was onbviously not very confident.

As i was lino, only me and him on opposite side, i asked him not to swear. At one point he went onto the pitch swore at some of our players and the ref.

U15s football very sad.

But hey Respect.

We had a parent on the opposition team laying into the ref and players this weekend, wtf is wrong with people. The ref was about 16 and the lads are 8/9

Firs defeat in 2 years this weekend, lost 2-1 but played pretty well.

2-2 draw with the top of the league, great result, we stay 3rd

loads of opportunities for suarez/JT racism as well, but our lads are too well brought up for that

Originally Posted by scholesscoresgoals2

we had a parent on the opposition team laying into the ref and players this weekend, wtf is wrong with people. The ref was about 16 and the lads are 8/9

first defeat in 2 years this weekend, lost 2-1 but played pretty well.

yhbr

Originally Posted by Crumps

yhbr

Originally Posted by ReligiousRed

P6 W2 D1 L3 ( F ) A few ( A ) Quite a few more

2 Coaches, one is spot on, one is a £#%&!in #@&%!, just come out the Army last year and is kind of forgetting the lads are 8 & 9 ffs not training to go to Afghanistan, he doesn't scream as such, he just puts them down like they do in the Army to make you say £#%&! you and get up and go harder....except they're 8 & 9 and just look upset about it, my lad hasn't got much shit because i think the coach has already give up on the little civy street shit bag The goalkeeper though If i was his dad I would honestly have kicked off by now, poor lad gets buckets off the #@&%! every week

Sure i heard him on the water bottle trying to call in air support when they conceeded a corner on sunday too

superb

We played our closest rivals at the weekend and what a game/night it was.

Very touch and close game, we scored early and there were some hefty tackles flying around from both teams, scholes jnr wiped out 2 of their players (with fair but strong challenges). One of the parents for the opposition team was jumping around like a chimp, giving the 15 year old ref loads of shit.
I kindly went over and had a quiet word and we thought all was well.
Last minute of the game and they have a shot which hits the bar and bounces on the line and out, they are all off celebrating like theyve won the champions league, the ref blows the whistle and says "no goal".
The place erupts, the oppostion manager and this dad run on and nearly have the ref in tears. The ref plays the last minute or so, the last kick of the game involves one of our players taking out 3 of theres with one tackle

The dad on the sideline explodes with rage and has to be dragged away from me/the ref/anyone else in his way.

Utter @#%&! of a man......the return leg should be very interesting.

Originally Posted by ScholesScoresGoals2

The dad on the sideline explodes with rage and has to be dragged away from me/the ref/anyone else in his way.

Utter @#%&! of a man......the return leg should be very interesting.

It's his missus your doing, isn't

Piece I did a while back for RN...

Doing It For The Kids

When my son was born I didn’t buy him an MUFC baby-grow, nor did I name him ‘Cantona’. Similarly, I felt no urge to rush down to the ground to get him a membership the day he arrived, or record him as a toddler gurgling ‘Build A Bonfire’ and upload the footage onto youtube. He was always going to be introduced to football at an early age, there was no need to force the issue. The intention was to let him ask the questions and develop his own interest. I stuck to this up to a point…he was 18 months old before he had his first kit and attended his first match.

As for playing, it all started innocently enough with a trip to the park one warm summers evening, almost two years ago now. My son (then aged 5) came face-to-face with a mate of his from school. He looked at him in awe when he clocked what this kid was wearing. As well as sporting a full United kit, what caught my lad’s attention was the fact his mate was wearing brand new boots and shin-pads too.

Turned out that the local junior team trained on the park during summer and were apparently keen to get new kids involved for the season starting that September. I was buzzing at this news and so was my lad. All I had to do was get him some boots, fill in a couple of forms, pay £2 a week subs and bring him along.

So there began my son’s football career. I instantly felt certain as to what was going to be my place in all this. Other parents were stood on the sidelines barking instructions and offering encouragement to their mostly confused offspring. Ha! I was determined to leave any such nonsense to them, I was intent on being silent and aloof – I would take him, watch him play, then gently offer him the benefits of my considerable football knowledge and experience during the car journey home. I smugly told myself, ‘I’m not gonna shout, I’m not gonna get involved, I’m not gonna get wound up. People screaming at kids playing football look and sound RIDICULOUS, I mean look at the state of the coach there with his stupid tracksuit and his stupid initials embroidered on it. What a DICK.’

As time went by it became clear my initial impressions of the lad in charge were spot on. He was very shouty, clearly in love with himself and unforgivably dismissive of the less-able kids. Resisting the urge to share these observations with other whinging parents, I settled in on the sidelines, keeping both my distance and my thoughts to myself…well, for a while.

Over time you inevitably start talking to people and developing a common appreciation and appetite for the weekly madness being served up. With 5-6 year old kids involved, examples of sporting excellence are rarely encountered, although moments of high-comedy come thick and fast.

That first season contained some classic moments. The midfielder who stopped mid-game to make a sandcastle; the errant substitute who was found playing on the swings; the defensive partners spinning round mid-game, attempting to see who could get dizzy and fall-over first; the day when the goalkeeper was beaten twice because every time a tram went past he’d instinctively turn and wave at it. My favourite of all though was the game when the entire team decided to communicate with each other only by barking.

News arrived that changes were afoot. A civil war had broken out within the club (petty bureaucracy exists at all levels of football, then) and the upshot was that the present coach was leaving and our team had no one to take charge for the new season. Then came a seemingly innocuous approach via the smiley woman with the clipboard who collected the subs each week “Would you be interested in helping out?” “Errrr…”

Looking back, that was the moment I should have replied with a firm, “No”. Instead, my hesitation was somehow mistaken for interest and the gig was mine. It was like she’d tagged me, shouted “YOU’RE IT!” and run off. I’ve subsequently learnt that this is how most people get recruited, mainly because you’d have to be a mental to volunteer.

Luckily, my co-manager is one such mental. This is a man who has taken it upon himself to selflessly tackle all the demands entailed in running a successful junior football team. Communication with parents, updating the website, finances, committee meetings, scheduling fixtures, fund-raising – he loves all that stuff, thankfully. All I have to do is concentrate on training the kids. Thus far we’ve proved an incredibly successful managerial partnership. We complement each other well - he brings the motivation and boundless enthusiasm, I provide the cynicism and a deep sense of despair.

Our partnership has not been totally problem free. My attempts at projecting a Mourinho-esque, studied cool on the sidelines were almost obliterated when he went out and bought us matching Kappa tracksuits. I flatly refused to wear mine and a stand-off took place until we reached a compromise solution of Nike waterproof jackets.

The key word is patience, which is what I don’t really possess. I love my son dearly but I’ve struggled to bond with few of his fellow squad members. Spoilt, middle-class shits some of them – the sort of kids who got off lightly being named Joshua or George; you can just tell their parents were dying to christen something more fitting like Charles or Orlando. Some of these little snots are incapable of standing still and listening for 10 seconds, let alone appreciating the intricacies of the catenaccio system I’ve been attempting to implement.

Most of the kids are brilliant though. Happy, funny, football-daft, credit to their parents etc, etc. We get scouts down from United and City regularly, though for what purpose I’m not sure. They’re always keen to introduce themselves and show ID the first time they appear, probably so they’re not mistaken for peados. The one lad we’ve got who (to my eyes at least) possesses genuine talent, spends most of his time doing ridiculous step-overs and showing off – you’d struggle to tell he was a half-decent prospect from a single viewing.

So now, several months into ‘the project’, I find myself in deep. As well as spending an inordinate amount of time pondering United’s fortunes, I now find myself looking up training drills on the internet and considering ways I can vary our warm-up each week. My car boot looks like I’ve recently robbed a branch of JD Sports and I’ve slowly developed the temperament required to nurture and encourage mud-splattered, rain-soaked, often-weeping children.

Overall I’d suggest we’ve probably reached the embryonic stage the present-day United were at back in September 1989, mainly due to the fact we’re regularly demonstrating the ability to win 5-1 one week then lose 5-1 the next…and our goalie is shit.